Things I'd Like To Show You

I am twenty-two. Yes, it takes me a while to figure certain things out. I am realizing who I am, what I like, what I despise, what I have an appreciation for, what I can stand, what I find intolerable. I understand I will not find myself tomorrow and what makes sense to me because with every experience I learn something about myself and my principles and now I am finding that I don’t want to partake in circus of madness and I don’t care about your bottom line. I care about humans, the individual, the spirit, the grace, the vision, the experience, the quality, the beauty, and the art of it all.

People leave our lives constantly, I am not speaking specifically about death, but it certainly encompasses it. We are upset and dissatisfied with what has occurred. Those people who we hold in exceptional regard depart from us, either for this eternity or until the next soirée or until next extended recess from work. Yet they never truly abandon us because we hold onto something of them in our bones and our minds. We latch onto certain people for certain reasons because we find them extraordinary, exemplary, or compelling. I latch on certain to people because I still young and I am finding myself and I constantly contemplate who I want to be in this world, and who makes me feel unhurried in finding myself, undemanding on who I will become, and accepting of who I will become. It is when people give their notice of their future absence or even if it is unexpected that you realize what you have lost or what you are going loose and you think how can you replace it, how can we instill the stability when that person was present because it is what we crave, or at least what I crave. And we can’t require that person to return to us, however ideal that would be, we must allow them to wander and proceed onward. But, we need to adjust our lives, reassess what their purpose was in the first place, why we harbored respect for them, why they took a certain stature in our life, what they personified for us. And not that we should replace that person with someone else or something else but that we take a moment and calculate why their were so specifically distinct, so remarkably special and how we will cope in the appropriate manner because they had something we had an absence of or that we desired in their persona, or that we were simply grateful for their company. We must receive and understand variables and conditions because they are out of our jurisdiction and it is all something that we as humans can not fully possess alone, that is why we search for these unusual, these notable people, that is why we hold onto them and say farewell to them, and then let these people leave because we are required to develop without, as do they. 

It’s upsetting when events transpire in your life that you have to reevaluate some people and their category because you see they are regressing to a place that we know is damaging and despairing. I can no longer do things, or participate with people that cause me mania and disarray. 

“You don’t look rich because you have a rich dress. When you look at a person, do you see the spirit or the sexiness or the creativity? Just to see a big diamond, what does it mean? It’s all about satisfaction. I think it’s horrible, this judgment based on money. It’s all an illusion that you look better because you have a symbol of luxury. Really, it doesn’t bring you anything. It’s so banal.” - Miuccia Prada

I am back in my apartment in Massachusetts after visiting Brooklyn for a couple of days. It was a delightful excursion however it was eclipsed by vanishment of a these Prada sunglasses I have owned since I was seventeen. Many would say that holding onto a pair of sunglasses for almost five years is an accomplishment in itself but now I very seldom loose something. I have misplaced many things but rarely, if ever do I mislay my more singularly, more costly items. It is a habit for me to put things away securely and properly in a bag, on a shelf, or in a drawer when I come home. Or if packing or traveling I inspect more that that item is protected and in attendance. This is my obsessive, fanatical self that adores and regards with excruciating supervision my expensive wardrobe and laudable accessories. Not all my items of garments and ornaments are uniformly worshipped. There are a great handful of items that I have immense sentiment for. One of those items in my collection is those Prada sunglasses. If I were to loose a pair of my Marni sunglasses or say Marc Jacobs sweater, I wouldn’t experience such anguish but the sunglasses that I lost were adored, they carried such sentiment that their absence is putting strain on my heart. These sunglasses were my first ever luxury, designer item. I received them for Christmas one year, it is isn’t so much that they were Prada it was that my father and I went to Saks Fifth Avenue in Boston and bought them. That is a very fond, very marvelous moment because it was my father entering the universe that I admired, that yearned for, that I understood. The domain of gorgeously fascinating things and atmospheres. I was showing him fashion that I sympathized with, that I took solace in. Prada has always been a house whose aesthetic sphere I have had a penchant for and because my father subtracted time of his day to accompany me to look at gifts for Christmas in the city was sort of pleasant and loving, because he rarely entered my arena. 

The attachments we have to clothing are fascinating. I sincerely take pleasure in individuals discussing their outfits, not what label they are wearing or any technical description but why they purchased their piece of clothing, where they came across it, why they wear it, why do they pair it with another item, what is the narrative, who were they with when they bought it, who did it belong to before, and it goes on. All those  aspects are interesting and rather necessary for fashion to be sensational, stimulating, and pleasurable. Style is a sign that you are intimate with your dress and self and that there is an encouraging affinity with how you view yourself and therefore project and express yourself to an audience, which included yourself. For myself, fashion doesn’t disguise anything but rather reveals more about my persona and conveys things that I don’t know how to communicate. My style, my clothing, my accessories have always been about who I aspire to be which makes my wardrobe so evocative. Those Prada sunglasses were an introduction to an arena of fashion that I aspired to be part of one day, that I had found consolation and validity in. Those sunglasses defined me at a time in my youth when I was just beginning to understand what I loved, what I regarded as sacred. I was conveying an ambition inside of me. They gave me a factor of sophistication, boldness, and composure that I was lacking at that time years ago. They provided potential and strength but also reminded me of a time with my father that I considered sacred and sparse. 

Now that they have gone astray, I strongly speculate they are not going to present themselves as I most likely lost them in the midst of Manhattan or they were plucked out of my bag by a thief with magnificent taste. I have other sunglasses that cost thrice as much as the Prada that and are fantastically ridiculous and equally exquisite but there was an attachment and an account to be told about these sunglasses. I hope whoever is wearing them and wherever they are that they know they were loved and they evoked and caused substantial amounts of self-assurance, resilience, innovation, and induced further interest in my passions. They were stellar sunglasses. 

In Your Nature (David Lynch Remix) - Zola Jesus

Doused - DIIV

Elite - Heavenly Beat

Take A Walk - Passion Pit

Breathing Underwater - Metric 

Hundred Hearts - Zambri

Human - Dive

Angel Echoes - Four Tet

(Please) Don’t Break Me - CATWALK

Century - The Mary Onettes

Ixode - Zola Jesus

Auto Rock - Mogwai 

I Belong In Your Arms - Chairlift 

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” - Oscar Wilde